Something in the Pear Tonight?

Phil Collins to work on Chiswick Fruit and Veg stall

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Phil Collins Announces His Retirement From Music Industry


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Rock superstar and former Genesis drummer, Phil Collins, is to return to his roots (or perhaps it should be root vegetables) and rejoin the family greengrocery business. can exclusively reveal that he has informed his relatives who own a fruit and veg stall that he plans to join the firm after recently announcing his retirement from the music industry.

The owner of the stall on Chiswick High Road, also called Phil Collins told, 'I've been telling my customers for years that Phil was a relation and nobody believed me but they'll all owe me an apology when my cousin starts work here next month. I suppose you could call it a turnip for the books"

Mr. Collins added, "Whilst we welcome our long lost relative back he has to accept that just because he is a global superstar doesn't mean that he knows the trade and we'll start him on unpacking crates and leave it a few weeks before he deals direct with the public. Also he'll be used to dealing in metric measures having lived abroad for so long and if he starts quoting prices in grammes he'll be out on his (cauliflower) ear."

The scope for confusion with two people of the same name has been recognised and as Phil the greengrocer owns the business and is the boss, Phil the drummer will be known from now on as Pip.

The stall are hopeful that the presence of a celebrity on their staff will further boost the sales of their products which are better value and come without the environmentally unfriendly packaging of the large supermarkets on the High Road they compete with.

The multi-millionaire musician currently resides in Switzerland for tax reasons but it is thought that the prospect of returning to the place of his birth and that the business was cash in hand were important factors in his decision as well as his lifelong passion for vegetables.

Collins attended Chiswick Grammar School (now Chiswick Community School) until 1964 when he won the role of the Artful Dodger in the West End production of “Oliver!”.

A spokesperson for his record label, Avril Amadan said in a press statement, "We fully support Phil's decision to abandon his music career and switch to the fresh food industry. He has been one of the world's leading recording artists of the past few decades but has always retained his passion for good quality veg. Before he departs he plans to remix some of his classics to promote healthy eating in support of the Government's five-a-day campaign."

The tracks on the new album are a closely guarded secret but sources have told us that the working title is, "No Jacket (Potato) Required" and tracks include 'In the Pear Tonight', 'Two (Artichoke) Hearts', 'Separate Chives', 'True Caulis' and 'A Groovy Kind of Leek.'

Pip Collins was unavailable for comment.

1st April 2011