Local Author's Bad School Report Book Launched at Waterstones
James Thellusson has included contributions from Chiswick residents
James Thellusson
November 27, 2022
This Wednesday (24 November) a local author celebrated the launch of his new book at Waterstones on Chiswick High Road.
James Thellusson has created a historical anthology of bad school reports and wrong-headed careers advice. Entitled ‘School’s Out Truants, Troublemakers and Teachers’ Pets’, it details the poor opinion that many teachers had of their pupils who went on to be famous.
While researching for the book in 2020 he made an appeal through this site for local people to submit their own bad reports and the book contains some unfavourable feedback received by Chiswick residents in their younger days.
Local screenwriter Rob Sprackling admits in it, ‘I got beaten regularly. Reasons included “crawling down the chapel aisle making funny noises”, “improbable excuses for being late for maths”, and my favourite “My bubble car got caught in a snowdrift”.’
Another, who preferred to remain anonymous, was told by her Latin teacher, ‘She will start the next term unencumbered by any prior knowledge.’
Local architect Nick Gowing’s head teacher chastised him for being over eager at the dance with the local girl’s school writing, ‘At the Picton dance, where he was meant to be a waiter, he showed total lack of inhibition and I literally had to prise him apart from one of the visiting girls and remind him that his place was in the kitchen!’
The book highlights failure of British education from Elizabeth I to Boris Johnson and contains samples of good and bad school reports of famous British comics, musos, poets, priests, politicians and writers.
The anthology has had good reviews so far including from the editor of ‘The Oldie’ magazine Harry Mount, who described the book as ‘An utter delight. 10 out of 10.’
James said, ‘My personal favourite currently is a report of a school friend, who was told by the university admissions officer, that the only way he would get into Bristol University was ‘by breaking and entering.’
He went on, ‘The anthology is designed to make you laugh at the cruel wit of old school report. They also give you a snapshot of the school days of the good and the great. For those who like to browse collections I’d say it was a sort of Schott’s Miscellany of bad school reports. In short, a perfect gift for your downstairs loo, a long train journey or a Christmas stocking filler.’
‘School’s Out Truants, Troublemakers and Teachers’ Pets’ is available in hardback for £8.26 on Amazon.
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